You are what you believe in!

Who I  were?
As a kid I was always very unplanted, and free-minded. I remember writing a composition for school about a person I admired and I had problems to pick one for two reasons: One, I admired more than one person and two, I did not want to be like someone but just be myself and do things my way. Though for scoring grades I wrote a composition about my mom but I could not resist to add the last paragraph which was somewhat like this, “Even though I admire my mom and she is one of the kindest, wisest, and sweetest person in my life that I know, I will still always remain myself and I will walk my own path because my heart says that we should always be who we are and not copy others.”

That’s what I thought when I was twelve. I always felt there is much more about me that I was showing and that I posses more potential than I was using. The true potential remained unrevealed because I did not know how to activate it or whom to walk up-to to know what could be done.

As years passed by, I  felt lost living a life of conventions, rules, beliefs, judgments, expectations and the influence of others way of living. I was expressing my rebellion for freedom and uniqueness in many ways, but most of them were hurting me more than really achieving a positive change. I forgot who I was, where were I going and what I wanted to become. The beautiful spirit of the 12- year old girl was forgotten and I was living my life unconsciously without even being aware of it.

Unhappiness, dissatisfaction, self doubts, lack of self love, many questions but no answers, self-limitations started occupying my mind and daily experience made them worse. Hmm my overall existence was good, I had everything a growing girl would want to have but it was still not satisfactory. I did not want to just survive in life, I wished to live my dreams. As my desire of finding happiness and satisfaction in my life grew, life brought me to different events, situations, experiences and I realized that to make a difference in my life I needed to see new perspectives, get out of my comfort zone and challenge myself. At the beginning it is always easier to imagine that what you want is possible or exists somewhere. I decided to find new job and relocate, start a new life and meet new people, travel abroad, and somewhere down my heart I knew this was the perfect step for me to take even if it was challenging and putting a big physical distance between me and my family. But I decided to give myself a chance and to search for my happiness and purpose.

Every change begins in Self-Awareness. I ended up in Hyderabad working for a multinational company that was operating in training and telecommunication field and now in Bombay (Mumbai). I was fortunate to be able to join various groups where I got access to teachers from personal transformation and spirituality. Although it was a very intense phase and I felt consumed continuously but experiences to understand life went on improving. I started to experience positive change after I became aware of my life, choices, beliefs, dreams and who I was and who I am. All of it came suddenly very easy as a result of acceptance and self-awareness. I learned how it all works in our reality. My beliefs where no more my limitations because I realized  ‘You are what you believe in. And You create your life and reality.’ This knowing gave me liberating feeling of being able to decide and choose for myself who I want to become. I never felt so happy and comfortable in my own skin. I observed what makes me happy, satisfied, enthusiastic and what really serves my purpose. Being aware of myself was a magical discovery for me. Since then I have been following my inner voice, my passions, my desires and dreams. I did everything my heart told me to do because there is nothing more important than to feel good.

So who am I?
Life is such a question mark. You never know when and which way it will turn. Today I am a loving daughter, a perfectionist, an artist, a photographer, future spouse, a good friend and/or may be more... I believe in unlimited human potential and that life can be magical if we allow ourselves to see that. I desire to live my life up to the hilt and experience all there is.

May we have the ability to find worthwhile lessons in each experience or relationship. I wish you live a life with love and right attitude.
Be Unique. Be Love. Be Yourself.

Did you say: I'd like mornings better if they started later… Wake Up! ;)

During the formative years of my life, parents and teachers kept repeating a famous quote by Ben Franklin: “Early to bed and early to rise makes a man healthy, wealthy and wise” and since I grew up with parents who woke up sharp at 5:00AM, I also picked up the habit of waking up early and going for a walk with dad. Fresh breeze, smell of plantation and dew, calm blue sky, and occasional trees with beautiful yellow flowers (that we might overlook otherwise), fun and mindful conversations with dad… I completely enjoyed those early mornings. Recently while I complained of being sleepy at about 11:00 PM, a very dear friend asked me about my habit of waking up at 6:30 AM each day, and advised me to wake up late so I can stay awake till late. Though I wanted to talk about benefits of rising early at that moment but unfortunately, none occurred to my mind. Funny but now when I think of it, there are a ton of great benefits that I see as an individual who cannot stay in bed till late hours.

Now, let me first say that if you are a night owl, and that works for you, I think that’s great. There’s no reason to change, especially if you’re happy with it. But in my experience, there is no better way to start off your day than to wake early!!! Here are just a few:

Quietude - Greet the day. The early morning hours are so peaceful, so quiet. It’s my favorite time of day. I truly enjoy that time of peace, that time to myself, when I can think, plan and act, when I can look within and breathe. I love being able to get up, and greet a wonderful new day. It is like a morning ritual that includes saying thanks for all the blessings. I’m inspired by the Dalai Lama, who said, ” Everyday, think as you wake up, ‘today I am fortunate to have woken up, I am healthy and alive, I have a precious human life, I am not going to waste it.’ So, in all my capacity I at least try that I live up to it :)

Sunrise and exercising. People who wake up late miss one of the greatest feasts of nature, repeated in full stereovision each and every day — the rise of the sun. I love how the day slowly gets brighter, when the midnight blue turns to lighter blue, when the brilliant colors start to seep into the sky, when nature is painted in incredible colors. I like doing my morning workout during this time, and I look up at the sky and say to the world, “What a glorious day!” I really do that. Corny, I know but that’s how it is.

Breakfast. Childhood lessons, “Breakfast is the most important meal of the day”. Rise early and you actually have time for breakfast, it’s not just about eating it but about tasting it. I love eating breakfast while reading my book, or newspaper in the quiet of the morning. It is eminently so enjoyable and such an integral part of my mornings that I feel bad if someday due to some reason I cannot do it.

Amazing and Productive start. Mornings, for me at least, are the most productive time of day. I like to do my prayers in the morning, when there are no distractions, I love to cook before my domestic help arrives, love to check my emails and organize myself for the day. So in reality I’ve gotten so much done before 8:30 a.m., by starting on my work in the morning that then, when evening rolls around, I have no actual work that needs to be done, and so I am relaxed enough to spend time with myself doing all that makes me feel happy and engaged :)

Wow!!! It’s morning and I am filled with energy, joy and happiness. I discovered that the most beautiful things are very simple. Simple like a smile, rain, sunshine, nice conversation, warmth and a lot more... So, let me leave you with a prayer of gratitude that I’ve always found… well, perfect :) For GRATITUDE can turn a negative into a positive.

Be thankful that you don’t already have everything you desire,
If you did, what would there be to look forward to?

Be thankful when you don’t know something
For it gives you the opportunity to learn.

Be thankful for the difficult times.
During those times you grow.

Be thankful for your limitations
Because they give you opportunities for improvement.

Be thankful for each new challenge
Because it will build your strength and character.

Be thankful for your mistakes
They will teach you valuable lessons.

It is easy to be thankful for the good things.
A life of rich fulfillment comes to those who are also thankful for the setbacks.

I wish you see and live a life full of colors and more beautiful emotions. 

May all your dreams from the night come true and you rise and shine!

Sundays are not the same anymore…

Sunday’s are not the same as they used to be. The expectation of looking forward to that one day of family holiday has disappeared. The joy of watching TV, or going out for picnic with home cooked food has dimmed. There is no excitement for those relaxed yet activity-filled afternoons with family and friends. In the lawns, the lunches by the tree, idle gossip, laughter, gaiety, the impromptu game of carom, badminton, Jenga Towers, Chinese checker, jigsaw puzzles, all huddled together on the floor, may be a film at home later in the afternoon, followed by tea/coffee, and snacks, and then an early dinner. As far as I remember in those days there was no concept of a weekend, it was just about a Happy-Family-Sunday! Those were the simple joys of life, most enjoyable and the most enduring. If you were not born in 70s I should say guys you missed the golden-television-days boat! Those 80s ads & jingles (Mango Frooti, Colgate Tooth Powder, Postman, Palmolive, and Godrej Shaving Cream) still take you down memory lane! I guess most of the people in my generation long for them to reappear… will they ever? Hmm may be or maybe not.

Now with each member setting about his or her work in different directions, in different locations, in and out of the country, and also different expectation, needs and wants that spirit has travelled too; far and away. The simple joys of life now come with great apprehensions. What to do, where to go, will the place be very crowded, do they have good food and ambience, what will we do there, what is the mood, what shall I wear, is there a chance to bump into someone I don’t want to see... Aah just an entire library of questions and more questions… Miss the spontaneity!

I think communication access and the speed with which it keeps invading our existence is largely responsible for that missed HAPPY-Sunday. Conversation has been replaced by the TV, the phone, the other gadgets, Skype, Face book, Twitter and other social networking websites. In company we tend to talk less and look for the silences to be filled in by programs on the television or the activity of the mobile. BUT we love to post our status updates. We are distancing ourselves further but we still long to be aware about what’s happening around us and with those we know. Is that what modern invention is making us do? Isolation and being pinned to these gadgets. Lonely and confined to our homes or more so our rooms and cutting out the desire to travel move and discover, since all of it can be available to us in the palm of our hands!

Another observation while I travel over the weekends: The moment a plane lands I see half a dozen co-passengers switching on their cell phones and getting up and opening up the overhead chambers. Would they be able to step out even before the plane is parked, and if not then why this strange hurry to violate the rules. Is that some kind of stud-ism? Earlier it use to annoy me and now I find it pretty amusing. Impatience and loneliness are the virtues of the present, attention span- considerably reduced, regular announcement of MY SPACE between spouse, parent and children is going up, tension and excitement mounts with a drop of a hat, we tend to multitask causing unrest to our mind. Is this a good sign? I suppose it requires some amount of balancing!

Anyway, this was just a view point, needs no debate or discussion. Just a thought that occurred to my mind while I was sitting at a lounge waiting for a friend to arrive. Now that she is around I am sure the Sunday evening shall be great and full of fun!

Love you all and wish you enough happy and beautiful Sundays or so to say Happy Weekends!!!

New experience, new energy, and new hope!

There is always a sense of delight when you plan to visit home. The warmth and affection of those you love and the multiplied reciprocation. It almost feels like everything around you is familiar, but the experience still leaves you fresh and renewed. New energy, new hope, new experience, fresh thoughts and fresh inputs.

I thought of writing this piece at Bombay Airport. Somehow I still can’t address it as Mumbai, for the fact that people or some social parties think changing names can change the way people feel about a place. Anyway, shall take this topic some other day. For now the topic of conversation is the reaction and experience of several passengers flying from Bombay to Delhi by Indigo flight 6E186, on Thursday April 01, 2010. The flight was suppose to take off at 17:50 hours which unfortunately did not happen due to a technical snag. The flight was grounded and I guess so did the ground staff. Some passengers (including me) were being advised to take the refund and move on to another carrier while few were put on another Indigo flight to Delhi which agitated the passengers. Thanks to Alfred, one of the senior ground staff who came as a relief and answered the crowd, an indication of commitment. The waiting just did not seem to get over and it was at 22:20 when the flight finally took off. Very tiring experience indeed. Met some nice co-passengers (Maj. Gen. K.C. Mehta, VSM, Col Saif, Anurodth) at the lounge which made the waiting experience a bit easier than it would have been otherwise. Post boarding, there was a strange desire that the plane reached faster than ever so I could reach home earlier. Not just for me but such delays torture my parents who come to pick me up at Delhi airport each time I visit. There was some more interesting experience that I gathered during this trip and I even wanted to share it here but as the days passed by, my desire to put it all down has taken a changed opinion.

Friday, April 02, 2010. New day, bright and sunny morning… When the brain has rested well. When the body has had more than its share of undisturbed slumber, then does the body and mind work at its optimum. It is remarkable how that early morning period brings the best out of you. In the way you talk, in the way you think and in the way you express. What does the night do to us and our body when all we are doing is resting. What is that mechanism, that sets about rejuvenating us, without us making any concrete effort whatsoever. This human body is indeed a unique system. We need to look after it a lot more carefully than most of us do.

Saturday, April 03, 2010. A planned visit to Gurgaon to meet some special and dear friends. The love, the care, the affection is beyond any expressions that I would use here and that would justify it all. Completely spell bound by Anand Uncle and Sushma Anuty’s wholeheartedness, and totally recharged with Sonal, Vikas, Manu, and Timmy’s humor and wittiness. Thanks Sonal and Timmy for the ICE TEA without ice ;) Returned home with loads of fond memories. God is really kind and I am blessed with loving parents, friends, and extended family.

Don’t know how these days just flew past by and now when I am back in Bombay I am missing the warmth of home. Mothers are basically God sent angels who are there when you need them and also when you don’t know you need them hahaha! Mom hurt her finger badly and it hurts to see her in pain and in this condition. I love you mom and I pray that your finger gets better soon. I wish you take a little more care of yourself like you care for me and dad. Spoke to her over the phone this morning and I am feeling terrible pulling out of such situations. And Dad, you don’t know how wonderful you are and how I owe every minute of my existence to you. Muah! You are the best!!! You would not read this blog and I would not be able to read this out to you (yes, believe it or not, your little princess is shy) but the fact is I can’t stop thanking God today for this beautiful life!

Going with the wind, I feel like a feather in the wind.
I still hear the whispers of her voice and those touching words!!!
For a minutes or two, let me float away to the wind...

May God always walk with you. Keep well and in good spirits… you all are so precious, actually life without your affection and love would be a little less than living!!!

Life is good, and it gets better every day!

I'm not a talented writer, just an average Jane, sharing some thoughts, experiences, and poems which have inspired me to grow. But frankly it’s sweet to hear from friends that they like my blog. Yesterday Sonal, a very dear friend of mine, mentioned that through my blogs she has seen a different Monica which so far was invisible to the outside world. Strange but so true! We all have dual personality and this is not a sole proprietary of being a Gemini HA HA HA! I wonder how absolutely incredible it is to find such conditions of existence. A condition where one finds himself or herself bound to follow a path that may or may not necessarily take them to the desired location but they still take that path. And also witness conditions where one finally is able to find the path that they always wanted to take no matter how difficult it may be. As part of different soul groups we have our own agendas, some attain nirvana and some get stuck in the wheel of time, and unfulfilled desires. Ahh... never mind! Just a reflective side before settling down to more mundane stuff on the day and hour.

I enjoy mornings because they always put my perspective where it belongs--on a positive road. This morning I had the distinct pleasure of catching a glimpse of the sunrise from my balcony. There is always something unique about each sunrise, whether it’s the colors playing off the spherical shape of the sun or the halo effect. The peace and solace of those early hours is almost synonymous with the gentle warming from the rising sun. The deep orange hue from the brightest element in the earth’s hemisphere, pleasantly visible as it emerges from behind a hill or stack of high rises, then gradually, as it progresses forward, begins to burn out its shape and countenance. And then it becomes difficult to continue looking at it with naked eye. It is a peculiar simile, but one that reflects on nature and human. As the sun burns through the sky and heats up the atmosphere, so do we while managing the twists and turns that life provides us. Pleasant and peaceful as it starts, and then gradually as the life progresses all its complications overtake us.

Today’s morning was a very happy morning, and the result is the realization that I have great things and even better waiting for me. More work to be done on myself and also a question: How would it be like to 'OWN YOUR OWN LIFE and keep the key to your happiness in your own pocket and not in anyone else’s'. HA HA HA! Who would not want to own his or her life so they can be happy always... Like my Guru says “state of Satt-Chit-Anand (Har haal mein khush)”.

My recent trip to Chennai taught me that there are two ways to look at life. Either you can cling on to the old ways of doings things and hope for the best or you can experiment with your life and discover new possibilities. I realized that there is absolutely so much more we can attain and do with our current life than to waste it on dealing with anger, sadness, complains, anxiety, expectations, and annoyance. So now, un-conditional love and forgiveness shall be my focus towards myself and life. 

In fondness towards all and more fondness for few special ones :) 

Love to you in abundance, muah muah muah!!!

 

AHAM BRAHMASMI

Saturday, I indulged in some amount of shopping, nothing major though but good enough to repair a damaged constitution. Sunday was a day of rest and good sleep. In all sleep and Shopping: Amazing and the most simple and natural exercise to recover from all kinds of physical and mental stress. And the results are evident due to a glowing skin and oodles of smile that is followed by number of compliments I have received from those who otherwise don’t even care to give me a second look. HA HA HA!!! ;)

Today I do not have a story to tell. I do not have a day to discuss. I do not have incidents to reminisce about. I have nothing, yes its nothingness again but with a difference, I have myself. And having just myself is not such a bad thing after all. Something I read recently now seems to be manifesting ‘Make your presence felt, to yourself’. Though that presence was felt also because of my hurting burnt fingers (kitchen accident). But on a different note it’s so true… if I do not have myself… I basically have nothing! I may be in possession of the greatest opportunities, riches and wisdom in the world or I may have no knowledge but if I do not have myself, I have nothing. And if I am in touch with MY SELF, I firmly believe my soul is in sync with God... which means AHAM BRAHMASMI.

At the end of the day it is only the ‘I’ that shall strive for betterment. It is only the ‘I’ in me that shall dream to achieve and work to overcome, it is only the ‘I’ that shall face the situations physically and mentally. ‘I’, NOW and ALWAYS. There will be family, friends, and support but eventually it will be just the ‘I’ that shall prevail in the end. Such an important word, I, Me, MY SELF which ironically I forget in the day today life. WOW!

There are moments when time, place, and circumstances allow you to relive events of a bygone time with a gentle smile on your face. Similar was the state while I was getting ready to meet a fairly new friend on Saturday. I looked into the mirror and noticed a similar smile... A smile without any major reason or cause, a smile that harbors a tinge of unexplainable affection for my own self. I could sense happiness! A known fact of my existence – confidence exists in that smile. There is a sense of joy but still when it does get acknowledged by those unknown around me, it brings about an awkward embarrassment as well. Silly but that was also for the fact that I looked pretty (especially that smile), and I guess every woman loves to look beautiful. That’s why I call it a familiar smile and without a major reason! An add-on was the skirt I chose to wear, I stitched it under mom's guidance and more so it was a perfect fit :)

A very relaxed state to be in!
It is a state I often want to be in and when it comes along suddenly while you are in the middle of nothingness, it surprises you totally. Like they say, it is so important to work for that pot of gold, but other times it is so important and essential to take time off and to make sure that your most important decision in the day simply consists of choosing which color to slide down on the rainbow. And that’s exactly what I did… Out of seven different colors (or even more) I chose my favorite red.

Here’s a toast to myself, and to life and the joy of its fulfillment!!! Faith, Love, Hope… and the greatest is Love!

 

Wish all a very happy and blessed life.

Joto dosh! Nando Ghosh!

Each time I sit back and publish a segment to my blog it is when something within energizes me to write my experience. I write what I feel I need to write. Sometimes an irrelevant thought sparks memories that influence an enormous amount of nostalgia and it does not take long to reminisce all that has transpired during the yore. The excessive summer months of Faridabad (a small city near Delhi) and the manner in which we spent them tending to so many things. Things that would have no relevance in today’s world, but when you live those years again they bring back such vivid and exciting memories. My sister, and I grew up with disciplined, protective, and very loving parents. They never took us to those gorgeous snow-clad Himalayas for an exotic summer vacation but took deep interest in all the small and little innocent things we did as kids. Dad who is a pillar to my existence always taught us the difference between good and bad in a very subtle way. Any time we indulged in verbal fight, he without raising his voice would tell us, ‘When speaking to people, say what you mean, mean what you say, but don't be mean when you say it.’ Frankly I could barely understand what he meant by that then.

Today, in this moment I stand here and wonder, how easy it is for people especially Indian by origin and ‘married’ or ‘taken’ by fate to be mean to those who are single (either by choice or destiny). Much easy to let the reins of their galloping imaginations and conjectures loose and indulge in suppositions, presumptions, or lame, insecure, and limp judgment to enlighten themselves for a moment. Those weak accusation if smashed to the ground shall break into pieces and would never be put together again... But yes, it is easy to stand behind protective walls (I mean the current and respective spouse) and throw all the garbage you possibly can on the other side - you would never have to clean up the mess yourself. Ruthless Reality! I invite those lovely people to come on my side and live this life... walk on fire to save dignity, safeguard pride, and brave the harsh arrows. No, those people would not have the courage to do so, hence the easiest is to stand tall and talk of one issue, one incident, cast an opinion, make a remark or get judgmental. All that is seen and heard and spoken of, has a flip side to it too. I with all my heart pity those who royally ignore that side before reaching to conclusion. At times I wonder why the butt of every accusation eventually comes and rests on my back. SAD!!! What exists is the fact that the soft spoken gentle voice of reason and reality invariably gets submerged in the loud and meaningless volume of assumptions. Fair enough!!

I was reading a friend’s blog and came across a famous saying in Bengali - Joto dosh! Nando Ghosh! For every fault and for every error, it is always Mr. Nando Ghosh. Basically a sarcasm on life and the way some of us allow it to function. The skill lies in how best to pass the buck on to that one vulnerable person. Peg all on him, build the circumstances, and then dig his grave and bury him. CAUTION - Bury him, but never completely. You may need to pull it out again to plug another accusation over it. Put it all over this sucker! It shall be more believable and convincing.

Yes, it is mean but so convenient!!!

After all these years I have lived and while I am geographically away from my parents, I value every single word that my mom and dad lived up to each day flawlessly. Dad always said, ‘There is nothing more valuable than peace and harmony and that your worth and your credibility shall be devoured by the vastness of the earth that you walk upon! And if there are those, who have objections to this practice, they are not obliged to be part of your life.’ Here’s my special thanks to those few friends who inspired me enough to go through this so I could write this piece.

I have always been delighted at the prospect of a new day, a fresh try, one more start, with perhaps a bit of magic waiting somewhere behind the morning. Glad that the day is almost over. So, help me God, it is a fascinating world. Life is delightful and shamelessly harsh too. Tomorrow is a day of love and expectations; of argument and belief; of playing hard and soft simultaneously. Shower your GRACE so I can face every mistake and submit to it.

I acknowledge those that stay with me in thought and belief, in prayers and despair. Wish them a happy and blessed life!