Life is good, and it gets better every day!

I'm not a talented writer, just an average Jane, sharing some thoughts, experiences, and poems which have inspired me to grow. But frankly it’s sweet to hear from friends that they like my blog. Yesterday Sonal, a very dear friend of mine, mentioned that through my blogs she has seen a different Monica which so far was invisible to the outside world. Strange but so true! We all have dual personality and this is not a sole proprietary of being a Gemini HA HA HA! I wonder how absolutely incredible it is to find such conditions of existence. A condition where one finds himself or herself bound to follow a path that may or may not necessarily take them to the desired location but they still take that path. And also witness conditions where one finally is able to find the path that they always wanted to take no matter how difficult it may be. As part of different soul groups we have our own agendas, some attain nirvana and some get stuck in the wheel of time, and unfulfilled desires. Ahh... never mind! Just a reflective side before settling down to more mundane stuff on the day and hour.

I enjoy mornings because they always put my perspective where it belongs--on a positive road. This morning I had the distinct pleasure of catching a glimpse of the sunrise from my balcony. There is always something unique about each sunrise, whether it’s the colors playing off the spherical shape of the sun or the halo effect. The peace and solace of those early hours is almost synonymous with the gentle warming from the rising sun. The deep orange hue from the brightest element in the earth’s hemisphere, pleasantly visible as it emerges from behind a hill or stack of high rises, then gradually, as it progresses forward, begins to burn out its shape and countenance. And then it becomes difficult to continue looking at it with naked eye. It is a peculiar simile, but one that reflects on nature and human. As the sun burns through the sky and heats up the atmosphere, so do we while managing the twists and turns that life provides us. Pleasant and peaceful as it starts, and then gradually as the life progresses all its complications overtake us.

Today’s morning was a very happy morning, and the result is the realization that I have great things and even better waiting for me. More work to be done on myself and also a question: How would it be like to 'OWN YOUR OWN LIFE and keep the key to your happiness in your own pocket and not in anyone else’s'. HA HA HA! Who would not want to own his or her life so they can be happy always... Like my Guru says “state of Satt-Chit-Anand (Har haal mein khush)”.

My recent trip to Chennai taught me that there are two ways to look at life. Either you can cling on to the old ways of doings things and hope for the best or you can experiment with your life and discover new possibilities. I realized that there is absolutely so much more we can attain and do with our current life than to waste it on dealing with anger, sadness, complains, anxiety, expectations, and annoyance. So now, un-conditional love and forgiveness shall be my focus towards myself and life. 

In fondness towards all and more fondness for few special ones :) 

Love to you in abundance, muah muah muah!!!

 

AHAM BRAHMASMI

Saturday, I indulged in some amount of shopping, nothing major though but good enough to repair a damaged constitution. Sunday was a day of rest and good sleep. In all sleep and Shopping: Amazing and the most simple and natural exercise to recover from all kinds of physical and mental stress. And the results are evident due to a glowing skin and oodles of smile that is followed by number of compliments I have received from those who otherwise don’t even care to give me a second look. HA HA HA!!! ;)

Today I do not have a story to tell. I do not have a day to discuss. I do not have incidents to reminisce about. I have nothing, yes its nothingness again but with a difference, I have myself. And having just myself is not such a bad thing after all. Something I read recently now seems to be manifesting ‘Make your presence felt, to yourself’. Though that presence was felt also because of my hurting burnt fingers (kitchen accident). But on a different note it’s so true… if I do not have myself… I basically have nothing! I may be in possession of the greatest opportunities, riches and wisdom in the world or I may have no knowledge but if I do not have myself, I have nothing. And if I am in touch with MY SELF, I firmly believe my soul is in sync with God... which means AHAM BRAHMASMI.

At the end of the day it is only the ‘I’ that shall strive for betterment. It is only the ‘I’ in me that shall dream to achieve and work to overcome, it is only the ‘I’ that shall face the situations physically and mentally. ‘I’, NOW and ALWAYS. There will be family, friends, and support but eventually it will be just the ‘I’ that shall prevail in the end. Such an important word, I, Me, MY SELF which ironically I forget in the day today life. WOW!

There are moments when time, place, and circumstances allow you to relive events of a bygone time with a gentle smile on your face. Similar was the state while I was getting ready to meet a fairly new friend on Saturday. I looked into the mirror and noticed a similar smile... A smile without any major reason or cause, a smile that harbors a tinge of unexplainable affection for my own self. I could sense happiness! A known fact of my existence – confidence exists in that smile. There is a sense of joy but still when it does get acknowledged by those unknown around me, it brings about an awkward embarrassment as well. Silly but that was also for the fact that I looked pretty (especially that smile), and I guess every woman loves to look beautiful. That’s why I call it a familiar smile and without a major reason! An add-on was the skirt I chose to wear, I stitched it under mom's guidance and more so it was a perfect fit :)

A very relaxed state to be in!
It is a state I often want to be in and when it comes along suddenly while you are in the middle of nothingness, it surprises you totally. Like they say, it is so important to work for that pot of gold, but other times it is so important and essential to take time off and to make sure that your most important decision in the day simply consists of choosing which color to slide down on the rainbow. And that’s exactly what I did… Out of seven different colors (or even more) I chose my favorite red.

Here’s a toast to myself, and to life and the joy of its fulfillment!!! Faith, Love, Hope… and the greatest is Love!

 

Wish all a very happy and blessed life.

Joto dosh! Nando Ghosh!

Each time I sit back and publish a segment to my blog it is when something within energizes me to write my experience. I write what I feel I need to write. Sometimes an irrelevant thought sparks memories that influence an enormous amount of nostalgia and it does not take long to reminisce all that has transpired during the yore. The excessive summer months of Faridabad (a small city near Delhi) and the manner in which we spent them tending to so many things. Things that would have no relevance in today’s world, but when you live those years again they bring back such vivid and exciting memories. My sister, and I grew up with disciplined, protective, and very loving parents. They never took us to those gorgeous snow-clad Himalayas for an exotic summer vacation but took deep interest in all the small and little innocent things we did as kids. Dad who is a pillar to my existence always taught us the difference between good and bad in a very subtle way. Any time we indulged in verbal fight, he without raising his voice would tell us, ‘When speaking to people, say what you mean, mean what you say, but don't be mean when you say it.’ Frankly I could barely understand what he meant by that then.

Today, in this moment I stand here and wonder, how easy it is for people especially Indian by origin and ‘married’ or ‘taken’ by fate to be mean to those who are single (either by choice or destiny). Much easy to let the reins of their galloping imaginations and conjectures loose and indulge in suppositions, presumptions, or lame, insecure, and limp judgment to enlighten themselves for a moment. Those weak accusation if smashed to the ground shall break into pieces and would never be put together again... But yes, it is easy to stand behind protective walls (I mean the current and respective spouse) and throw all the garbage you possibly can on the other side - you would never have to clean up the mess yourself. Ruthless Reality! I invite those lovely people to come on my side and live this life... walk on fire to save dignity, safeguard pride, and brave the harsh arrows. No, those people would not have the courage to do so, hence the easiest is to stand tall and talk of one issue, one incident, cast an opinion, make a remark or get judgmental. All that is seen and heard and spoken of, has a flip side to it too. I with all my heart pity those who royally ignore that side before reaching to conclusion. At times I wonder why the butt of every accusation eventually comes and rests on my back. SAD!!! What exists is the fact that the soft spoken gentle voice of reason and reality invariably gets submerged in the loud and meaningless volume of assumptions. Fair enough!!

I was reading a friend’s blog and came across a famous saying in Bengali - Joto dosh! Nando Ghosh! For every fault and for every error, it is always Mr. Nando Ghosh. Basically a sarcasm on life and the way some of us allow it to function. The skill lies in how best to pass the buck on to that one vulnerable person. Peg all on him, build the circumstances, and then dig his grave and bury him. CAUTION - Bury him, but never completely. You may need to pull it out again to plug another accusation over it. Put it all over this sucker! It shall be more believable and convincing.

Yes, it is mean but so convenient!!!

After all these years I have lived and while I am geographically away from my parents, I value every single word that my mom and dad lived up to each day flawlessly. Dad always said, ‘There is nothing more valuable than peace and harmony and that your worth and your credibility shall be devoured by the vastness of the earth that you walk upon! And if there are those, who have objections to this practice, they are not obliged to be part of your life.’ Here’s my special thanks to those few friends who inspired me enough to go through this so I could write this piece.

I have always been delighted at the prospect of a new day, a fresh try, one more start, with perhaps a bit of magic waiting somewhere behind the morning. Glad that the day is almost over. So, help me God, it is a fascinating world. Life is delightful and shamelessly harsh too. Tomorrow is a day of love and expectations; of argument and belief; of playing hard and soft simultaneously. Shower your GRACE so I can face every mistake and submit to it.

I acknowledge those that stay with me in thought and belief, in prayers and despair. Wish them a happy and blessed life!

The good things in life...

The travel bug hit me in my teens and hasn't really left since then. I can probably not be called globetrotter crossing the world over and over again, but I enjoy new experiences, cultures and people. If I had the times and means I'm sure I would do it a lot more. Last night I went through all my photos from Miami, Orlando, NYC, Langkawi, KL, Ladakh, and Goa and just looking at them made me feel better. I could almost feel the sunshine, the cold winds, the sand, and of course taste the food and smell the plantation. Made me feel good and the good feeling is still with me though today is one of those days when you break things, drop things and can't move around without hurting yourself. Life puts so many questions. And we do not have answers to them. Absurd!!! Hahahaha!

 

Glad that the day is almost over… and nothing soothes like going back home after a busy, tiring day at work. Simple things are the best things in life and McVities Digestives are still the best biscuits. Had totally forgotten how comforting they can be along with a nice cup of tea... Having them after a long time...

 

Tomorrow is a day of expectation. Of argument and belief. Of playing hard and soft simultaneously, with a combined force that allows little space for those that demand space. It is a fascinating world! Was reading an email today which concluded like this 'As is a tale, so is life: not how long it is, but how good it is, is what matters.' How true :=)

I wish you all very good lives!

If you want to get ahead, step back... Life is all about options and not obstacles!

A strange silence descends that makes my vocals and mind quiet. There is no need for it but there is a cause. They say ‘Silence is golden’ but this time there is no mental composure or calmness and its making me uncomfortable. No explanation can justify what transpires. There is disturbance within - of both body and mind. Soul seems to be stirred and tears roll down my cheeks like molten metal and somehow this has made me succumb to this existing feeling. There is certain joy and sense of fulfillment when you have clarity of thought, word, and deed… which in this moment is missing.

 

There is a need to reject, and ignore something like an Alt + Ctrl + Del function (You control the thoughts that stir you, find an alternative and then delete all that is bothering and painful and then differentiate where you went wrong). The other aspect which is influencing my judgment is tolerance. Like someone was testing my tolerance level for a very long time and then came a moment when a certain section of my brain indicated that my resistance is about to break. I believe like everyone else around I too possess small but significant amount of tolerance, resistance, perseverance but sometimes you have to get over your insecurities, step backward, leave what’s behind you and move ahead with conviction.

After five long days I am writing again to complete this particular set. And now since I have gotten over the pain and anxiety of the entire situation, there is an unexplainable lightness in the body; the vision gets better; and the head moves with some concerted energy. I managed to protect both my conscience and character! Maybe to some it would show up as a selfish mind but I would care a damn, when my own conscience and character were to be questioned. Character does that to individuals, so does our conscience. If anyone will enter that refrain, I shall revolt.

Last Friday I was watching a football match. Though I'm not up on all the terms but I simply love the idea of it. I love to see a pass thrown so precisely that the receiver doesn't even have to look until the last second, just show up at the designated spot and open their arms. The other thing which is very impressive is that in order to get ahead you have to step back. The quarterback does it all the time! The ball is on the line of scrimmage, but gets sent back in order to move ahead.

I wish if life was that way! But in retrospect it is...

If you fail, try again. When all odds are against you, play like you're the best. Even when others appear to be winning, play like you still have a chance. Yes, doing so sometimes causes loss of yardage, but like in life, you'll never get ahead without stepping back to see where you want to go.

 

So, my take on this: If you want to get ahead, step back. Life is all about options and not about counting obstacles!

 

I wish you all very good lives.

 

Nothingness...

Lonely hours are sometimes the best hours of life because that’s the time we share our deepest secrets with the one we trust the most in the world… Ourselves! And at times it is wiser to be silent than to be with sound.

Looks like there is a purpose in nothingness… Nothing to do, nothing to talk, nothing to eat, nothing entering the mind, nothing to make, nothing to feel, nothing compelling, nothing to object to… and then one can either end up in nothing or else have a silent conversation with self and discover what lies in that situation and the moment!

Questions erupt at this late hour, when the world sleeps. If there is someone who could hear my silence, who could feel how I am feeling, who could make this moment alive with unadulterated laughter. With this thought, I begin to look within and realize that there is a universe within me which responds to every single and minuscule thought, emotion, action, and suffering that I undergo. It answers every question that comes to my mind. And I don’t deny for some reason I have not heard it’s lone yet profound voice. For some reason transgressed limits of tolerance, and did not respond to its responses. When it loved me, I have not loved in return. It sincerely remained constant in my inconstancy while I complained and looked through my insincerity. So, today I confess and seek forgiveness from this universe within that remained with me in happiness and in joy, shared the grief of separation and loss, joined in my exuberance through achievement, failures and disappointments, success and accomplishment, misunderstanding and assurance, ignorance and disgust, love and fear, stillness and faith, acceptance and rejection. Dwarfed by this realization and stumped by its ability to forgive I now strengthen our association. I promise to rise and travel, to build and reinforce, to let go and to live every single dream and make it a reality. Summing up with a quote I recently came across, "To accomplish great things, we must not only act, but also dream; not only plan, but also believe."

It is now 2010, may it embellish your life with love, faith, happiness and abundance.

Bahut yaad aaye…

A silent prayer, a quiet day…

Today is the day when the angels took my sister, brother-in-law, and their little princess home to God. This was probably the worst day of my life. I do not wish to remember the year they went away nor the time nor the circumstances. They just went away and forever. So far away that I cannot even try to get them back. I am with them, every single day, every single moment, whether I am happy or sad, whether I am home or out. But today I shall miss them lots. Because today I know mom, dad, and I would think of her and jeejaji and the moments we spent with them more than usual.

‘Didi’ just two years elder to me but was some kind of strength, and strong support for me from the very beginning. Yes, she resides in our hearts, mind, and in our thoughts forever. Young, happy, cheerful, giving, practically she sits beside my mom and dad in their bedroom, on the dining table, in her favourite mauve attire and some gold jewellery… bright and angelic. I can still see her sitting in front of the TV calling out for mom. After she got married I called her every morning as I set off for the day. Today when she is above all, watching me and her little one (Aditya) I ask her to give us strength, and a close embrace... that is all!

Till yesterday, you were looking up to me
Asking me what do I want
But now I'm sitting here alone, all alone
With my tears and a bleeding heart…
Looking at my life, which is not the way I ever thought.
Where did you both go, and why
I miss your presence every single day,
My eyes are clouded and memories have made their way.

Didi, Jeejaji… you were the best and shall remain so always! I love you and I miss you…

Lovingly
Moni, as I was endearingly addressed by you.